Jesse Jarnow

swing s. chrysler

I don’t have Dr. Tuttledge’s classification scheme handy, but I just got a pretty interesting piece of spam, in what (to me) is a new category: the diatribe.

The Dylan lyric caught my eye first, and I thought for a second that it might be a letter from an angry leader. But then I looked closer, and saw that the spambot was just pulling from a topical database, in this case stocked with stern aphorisms. There’s actually some remarkably sage stuff in thar.

(For best effect, read first paragraph or two, then skip to bottom.)

From: Swing S. Chrysler
Date: Friday, January 21, 2005 2:28 PM
Subject: (SPAM?) Ave! 🙂

Well! He who is not busy being born is busy dying. I didn’t find my friends the good Lord gave them to me. Other people’s opinion of you does not have to become your reality. One does a whole painting for one peach and people think just the opposite — that particular peach is but a detail.

A great fortune depends on luck, a small one on diligence.

He is useless on top of the ground he ought to be under it, inspiring the cabbages. Remember you are just an extra in everyone else’s play. Man may be defined as the animal that can say ”I,” that can be aware of himself as a separate entity. Know-how will surpass guess-how. Laughter is the cipher key wherewith we decipher the whole man

Great people talk about ideas. Small people talk about other people. Old age is not a matter for sorrow. It is matter for thanks if we have left our work done behind us.

Friendship is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies.

An aim in life is the only fortune worth finding.

Pure truth cannot be assimilated by the crowd it must be communicated by contagion. Thou art all ice. Thy kindness freezes. Calamity is virtue’s opportunity. Where the heart lies, let the brain lie also. The most important thing in communication is to hear what isn’t being said.A short absence is the safest. It’s fun being a kid. Refuse the evil, and choose the good. [Isaiah 7:15] A man’s feet must be planted in his country, but his eyes should survey the world.

To look at the cross-section of any plan of a big city is to look at something like the section of a fibrous tumor. Since when do you have to agree with people to defend them from injustice?

[THEN: graphic of sultry female face with caption, “pussies and ass filled with cum”]



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